For April, I decided this was to be the month that I would try and unlock my dreams. Over the past few years, I felt as though I was losing myself bit by bit until I was left with no idea of what I wanted my life to look like anymore. For so long, I knew what my dream in life was (horses & land) but that dream started to change shape.

Life began to wear away at me, as it does for most of us as we grow older. We are stuck in an endless race of looking forward to the next thing and trying to balance out our chaotic work lives.

Well, April threw me a major curveball. On 6th April, I had a jumping lesson at my local riding school. I’ve been riding there every week for the past eight years, but even before that, I learned to ride there. Since losing my own horse, this place has enabled me to stay connected to horses without having the commitment of having my own.

During that jumping lesson, I was riding a younger horse (who I’ve ridden a few times before) but he was fighting with me. Had he been my own horse, I would have hit pause on the lesson and taken a step back to get the foundation right so that he would stop fighting me. But, because it was a group setting, I said nothing (apart from that he was fighting me) and carried on.

The third time we went for a jump, things went a bit wrong and I fell off. My body was so sore, but my feet especially hurt like crazy. I’m quite a sensitive person so my instructor assumed I’d be fine and I was told to walk it off and not think too much about it.

I barely got home, but when I did, both of my feet became very swollen so I went to get them checked out. That was the beginning of this challenging journey. I broke my talus bone in one foot, and badly sprained the other. I was very lucky not to have broken both feet.

What it has meant for now, is that I’m currently bed bound and non-weight bearing for the next few weeks. I had surgery on my foot a couple of weeks ago and have a follow-up appointment soon to see whether the surgery was successful or not.

You may be wondering what this has to do with the word of the month, ‘dream’, but this is where it all ties in.

Being stuck in bed and unable to go to work has allowed me a lot of time to do some soul searching. I’m surprised that it’s been such an emotional rollercoaster, but I guess that’s normal when your life changes completely overnight. I’m also aware how lucky I am that this should only be temporary – even if temporary means months.

The first thing I noticed in this situation is how I realised that horse-riding isn’t my dream. I’ve always loved horses and want them to be in my life, but just horse-riding for half and hour once a week is not worth this consequence for me. I had hopes of visiting cities, travelling abroad, going on walks and bike rides, all of which have to be postponed indefinitely. One thing about this kind of fracture is that the recovery is long, even if things go well. It turns out the talus bone in your foot is very important and also, really difficult to fix.

With the time I’ve had in bed so far, I’ve also been thinking about what I want my life to look like. It’s been weird to be out of work for so long (although I’ve been dipping in and out to stay updated) but it also has helped me see that I don’t miss the kind of work that I was doing.

I have reached one kind of conclusion though about my dream – I’d like to live life as if I don’t need money. That might sound like everyone’s dream, but what I mean is, I want to fulfil my time with things that bring my joy. Work is unlikely to be fun 100% of the time, but work should be something that matters to you and brings some sense of fulfilment rather than purely a source of income.

In all honesty, I still don’t know what my dream looks like in vivid detail. I’m pretty sure horses will still be involved, but I want to use this time to be more creative too. I want to explore my creative side when I have the opportunity too. I mean, that’s one of the reasons I started Ever Free Expression. It is about pure creativity with no boundaries or expectations.

We only have a limited time here, and we should try to find ways to do the things that make our souls glow. That ignited a spark within us and helps us see daily, that life is truly incredible. Even with the hardships.